Over the sea, my heart always longed for you.
24/2/1938
To my dearest love:
When you are reading this, I am probably far away from Madison, Wisconsin. I had always wanted to write to you even after what happened between us but I never had the courage to pick up the pen. It took me a long time to come to terms about what happened in my family and between us. I miss you ever so much. Your beautiful hair, your melodious voice, and your sweet sweet smile that melts my heart every time i see you.
I kept the photos we took together of all the fun we used to have, sitting by the porch, me playing the guitar and you just blowing me away with your voice. Every now and then, I still look through em, and just remember the good times we used to have. I always wondered how everything just seemed so good, yet i never understood how we ended up the way we did.
Do you still remember nanny? My fair old lady? She had cancer about a month after I left you. My good old lady died about 2 months later. Grief was like a bottomless pit. I keep thinking about that day, and maybe it was my fault she died. I wasn't strong or powerful. I watched like a little mouse, seeing her slip away little by little. Money and influence would have made all the difference. I just sat there. Crying like a little child.
Winnie, the reason why i decided to leave was because i felt i was powerless to protect you. Neither am i fit to provide for the family. When i was a child, i used to play with building toys. Every time i was allowed to play, i would build a tower. Every day, the tower got bigger. My parents saw my interest and bought me more toys. And i kept building and building and building. The tower got bigger. This habit continued a few years later. Later on, i called the tower "The Invincible Tower" because i thought it was indestructible. I told myself, i would become somebody great someday. A man who could stand as tall as the tower. A man who can provide for his family everything and more. With so much money enough to buy the world. But dreams are foolish and inadequate. It never amounted to more than just a dream. A dream that vanished into thin air, never being realised or accomplised. When i was much older, the tower fell, just like a pile of bricks . Reduced to rubble like my dream. I never attempted to build the tower ever again and end up being dissapointed again.
I am sailing in the Greenland region , it is cold and freezing here, but I love it. I wish you were here with me in my arms once more, I playing the guitar and you singing a song. How i wish it was. But that was just a dream. A foolish dream. You know, while im on the ship and Im sailing, i look out and i see all blue. Just blue. The waters are sometimes calm but mostly rough. Isn't life just like that, ebbs and flows. Looking out to the horizon, its like looking to my dream, but never really getting there. It just seems the same distance every hour of every day.
I am out to find myself. I hope you have found yourself too.
Signed,
Arthur
AMERICAN POST: THE LETTER COULD NOT BE DELIVERED TO THE ATTENDANT BECAUSE THE ATTENDANT IS DECEASED.
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